Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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