i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
