So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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