none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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