just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
bring money and cleavage
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Randomize
