imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
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