hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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