There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
where are my pants?
in the oven.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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