I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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