There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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