we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
