a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
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