I'm going to jail i love you
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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