we need to drink 2009 down the drain
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
