Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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