Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
