her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
