So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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