apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
if only i could text you this smell
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Randomize