FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
time to smoke my breakfast
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
