I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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