Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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