i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
