As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
