Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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