and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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