I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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