just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
