i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
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