I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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