So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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