i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
