I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Randomize
