Will you blow on my dice?
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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