Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
