My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
