walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Randomize
