i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize