I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
