We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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