Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
