All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
