Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
