Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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