Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize