You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Randomize