the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Randomize
