bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
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