I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Randomize
