And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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