When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
