Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
