I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
