dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
