a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
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