his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
