i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
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