Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
