Having a random hookup so left but love u
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
