You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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