I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Randomize
