So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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