last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
MIDGETS
????
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
