Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
