I never want to see another naked old woman again.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
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