very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
