based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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