That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
