whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
