Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
