"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
So squirting runs in the family.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize