1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
