it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
