yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
