he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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