that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
