they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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