my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Two words: blizzard sex
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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