haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
