im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
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