just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
