Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
